Big Shot

I'm feeling like a big shot today because I noticed that I have my first follower, and I'm sure that this person randomly came across the blog and decided to follow because she was so enthralled by the beauty of the writing--not because I know him or her or because I shamelessly advertise posts on facebook or anything. Anyhow, I was going to post a Bukowski poem in honor--something called "to my fans," or "for...," or maybe simply "my fans," but I couldn't find that beautiful poem in which the German feminists are standing in the rain protesting outside of the bar in which Buk's drinking. Of course, he comes out and gets into a car, blowing kisses while they boo and throw things. Such a beautiful thing. But I could not find it, so I jotted something down instead (for Andrea, whoever that may be).

for my fans: a dream

when i fall asleep after a night
of work and the sky is just begining to
lighten into the gray dawn. i dream
of that beauty who has forever
eluded me, and she is picking up my book
that i have unwittingly written for her.
she takes it off the shelf and carries
it home in her purse. she reads it then
sets it down, then later reads it again.
and somehow, despite my inadequacies in life,
in my dream, i have done it--i
have spoken to her as if i were God answering
that rhetorical question, and in that
moment i know. but then i wake up
and realize, begin typing again.
break after a whilefor a peanut butter
sandwich--the jelly is all gone,
but no matter, the car in which i
reside has no refrigerator anyway. after brunch,
i go to the workshop where they must read
whatever i write. the whole business is dull,
grey. but at night,
at night, i dream.

Day 5 or 6. Went to a two kegger last night. Saw lots of people that I haven't seen in years, some on purpose. That was enough, drunk off the glug glug question of 'what are you doing with yourself these days?' I sip my water, look the other way, "not much. you."
On a sunnier note, had lunch today with someone I wanted to and enjoyed seeing, a person I wish I had kept in better contact with over the years. Head West subs still best sandwich in hometown.